Are you in a relationship with someone leaving you puzzled and doubting yourself daily? Do you feel worthless or not smart enough? Do you blame yourself constantly that you aren’t good enough? Are you attentive to your spouse and do everything possible to please them but never (or hardly ever) get even a simple “thank you”? Are you constantly having that sinking feeling that you can never measure up? Feeling sad, distraught and lonely? Never being validated, even though you’re trying your best day in and day out, and keep on believing that “things” will change, but they never do!
Well, there is a strong possibility that you are living with a “Narcissist.” One interesting fact is that most Narcissists can be incredibly charming and engage with people around them. Whether it’s at work or social events, they are quite often the life of the party and loved by almost everyone. But as soon as you are alone with them, they turn into Dr. Jekyell and Mr. Hyde. Their demeanor changes from one minute to the next, and they demand certain things without really saying what they are. Just a mere, sharp eye gesture that’ll put you in your place, which literally stops you in your tracks, and you know you better be quiet and submit, or else!?!
If you never heard of the traits of a Narcissist, you more than likely have no clue that you are surrounded by or cohabitating with one. They are like chameleons and have the ability to change their mood within a split second. When a true narcissist says: “I love you,” their motives and what you hear are two totally different translations. Their main objective is for ‘you’ to make them feel adored, respected, and appreciated, and for you to understand your position in that relationship, to serve them hand and foot, stick up for them no matter what, and put them on the highest pedestal available! You don’t dare challenge or disagree with them, but attend to their every need – Their main goal is to control you and make you feel you don’t even deserve them! And so you bend over backward to please them but never get anything in return except more manipulation. And on goes this vicious cycle.
After reading the list below, you may be relieved that there is an explanation for why you’ve had that nagging feeling that something hasn’t been right for a very long time.
Read over the following list and see how many of these statements sound quite familiar:
– Continually talk about themselves.
– Constantly boast about their accomplishments.
– Think they are superior and more intelligent than everyone else.
– Never say: “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong”… (and they really believe that),
– Point out everyone else’s flaws (mostly yours), but never their own,
– Criticise, insult, and blame you any chance they get.
– Get angry or maybe even furious when you disagree with their opinion.
– Never or very seldom compliment you unless they intend to manipulate you even
– Never admit they made a mistake.
– They make you feel diminished, stupid and often doubt yourself.
– If you dare to disagree, they will never forget or forgive and treat you accordingly.
– Have an inflated sense of self.
– Have an excessive need to admire themselves.
– Are unable to handle criticism or corrections from others.
– Usually have an enormous sense of entitlement.
What are you thinking right now? Did that leave you speechless for a minute? If you answered yes to most of these statements, chances are you have some PTSD (read my blog on that). The good news s you’re now aware of narcissistic traits and how narcissists think and operate.
Depending on how you are associated with a narcissist, remember you’ve got options! If you have a friend, co-worker, boy- or girlfriend, or acquaintance, it is much easier to cut ties with them. That being said, dealing with a narcissist in your immediate family or spouse can make setting boundaries a little more challenging.
So often, we don’t want to throw in the towel and give up on these ‘important’ relationships; on the other hand, we are so exhausted and beaten down from being surrounded by daily negativity that we find little courage to make changes that would really benefit us in the long run. We are encamped by the intense grip of self-doubt, self-abuse (beating ourselves up emotionally), insecurity, fear of speaking up, and a lack of confidence, which has been ‘fed’ to us for years, sometimes even decades.
Recognizing, understanding, and dealing with a narcissist is quite an awareness. To fully grasp this eye-opening experience and the thought, “I do deserve better than that!” can be overwhelming, exhilarating, and frightening all at the same time. Even then, the “abused” will still stick around in hopes something will mysteriously change, but it never really does. The claws of a narcissist can hold a person hostage in the same place for years, often a lifetime. Talents go undiscovered, inventions will be lost, unique ideas are stifled, and people will live without expressing their beautiful and magnificent gifts. Their amazing creativity will be lost and sacrificed for someone who doesn’t even care.
That being said, there is hope, and there are solutions. The information available to us these days is astonishing! Online resources are countless; book resources are more than plenty. And support groups are popping up everywhere. Perhaps you can contact a qualified professional to help you sort through your concerns.
Most importantly, though, understanding that there is such a thing as a “Narcissist” and that you might be living with one will help you get more clarity to assess your situation.
While evaluating your circumstances, there are some simple ways to lift your spirits and let a little sunshine come into your heart, and one is Aromatherapy.
As an Aromatherapist and Energy practitioner, my first thought is to plug in a diffuser with uplifting and inspiring Essential Oils like Lime, Green Mandarin, Bergamot, or Sweet Orange. It is truly amazing how our perception of a scent can quickly change our mood. I’d also add some calming components, such as Chamomile or Lavender, to settle emotional upheaval. Aromatherapy is a gentle way to shift your energy in a much more positive direction.
In my blog “The Nose remembers everything,” you can read how an aromatic scent can shift when our emotions in an amazingly quick way. Aromatherapy is just a small part of lifting our spirits and is such an excellent choice. It fills the smallest room with a positive vibe and a heart-warming cheer.
If you are interested in dealing with loss, a broken heart, an unexpected shock, feeling panicky, or having a meltdown, check out my 75-page guide on ‘Easy and Effective Tips for Emotional Emergencies and Meltdowns!”
You may also consider an ‘Energy Healing Session,’ where I find, release, and replace old, stuck emotions, to find your path to emotional wellness.